Ever walked past my office and seen me banging my head against the desk? Or on the phone shaking my head and snarling? Or with my feet on the desk while typing on my keyboard?
Ever wonder what I'm doing?
Well, here's a rundown of a typical work day. Just so you know.
5.00am Wake up.
5.15am Drag sorry ass out of bed.
5.30am Arrive at gym. Pretend to exercise.
6.30am Arrive home. Shower, eat breakfast, read emails and mooch about while getting ready for work.
7.30am Arrive at work.
7.35am Read rest of emails, delete most of them and reply to the ones that are actually of any importance.
8.00am Look at today's to-do list.
8.01am Heavy sigh.
8.02am Look at the mass of paper on my desk that need to be organized into a cohesive and asskicking grant.
8.03am Log into Facebook and look at photos of friend's new baby.
8.06am Email friends to sort out weekend plans.
8.10am Guzzle large cup of tea.
8.12am Read and respond to email from student.
8.20am Bathroom break. Damn that tea.
8.25am Finally open documents containing asskicking grant. Read over handwritten notes made yesterday. Marvel at my own brilliance and my inability to write legibly.
10.30am Morning tea. Yes, I call it morning tea coz it's my morning break and I drink tea at that time.
10.35am Bathroom break. Damn that tea.
10.40am Read new email in which I discover that I didn't get the grant that I really needed.
10.41am Hit head on desk in frustration.
10.42am Read email from student asking me to clarify a point I made in yesterday’s class.
10.43am Delete student’s email without replying.
10.44am Write new paragraph for asskicking grant.
11.00am Look up a paper to prove major point for asskicking grant and discover new angle that will turn it into a supercool asskicking grant.
11.15am Rewrite paragraph with supercool info included.
12.00pm Heat lunch in microwave. Eat at desk while reading blogs.
12.10pm Prepare materials for this afternoon’s graduate class.
12.20pm Bathroom break. Damn that water.
12.25pm Back to working on asskicking grant.
1.00pm Log onto Middling Journal’s site to send a new manuscript out for review and to reject one that the reviewers have torn to pieces.
1.30pm Read through proofs of my own recently accepted manuscript. Send corrections off to journal.
2.00pm Faculty meeting starts.
2.01pm Color in all of the “o”, “p” and “d”s on the agenda.
2.02pm Try not to yawn.
3.00pm Return to office to recover from meeting.
3.05pm Afternoon tea time. Yes, it’s the afternoon and I need tea.
3.07pm Read through paragraph in asskicking grant that was written this morning and realize it is shit.
3.08pm Hit head on desk.
3.15pm Bathroom break. Damn that tea.
3.20pm Start to work on new paragraph for asskicking grant.
4.00pm Graduate class. Most excellent fun. Get to discuss and argue about science.
5.00pm Return to office and look at email inbox. Heavy sigh. The first two potential reviewers have already declined to review manuscript for Middling Journal.
5.05pm Trainee drops by to show data and to talk about supercool project he’s working on.
5.30pm Realize I am wearing mis-matched socks. How the fuck did that happen? And why has it taken all day for me to notice?
5.45pm Come up with phenomenal idea for second aim of asskicking grant. Scribble it down on notepad before I forget. This is going to totally kick serious study section ass. Decide to follow up with it in the morning as am falling asleep.
6.30pm Drag sorry ass home.
6.31pm Realize there is no milk in the house.
6.35pm Drag sorry ass to grocery store. Accidentally walk down the Doritos aisle. Large pack of Doritos mysteriously finds its way into the cart.
7.15pm On couch with Doritos.
7.30pm Fast asleep on couch clutching Doritos bag with a death like grip.
11.02pm Wake up, marvel at the fact that I have neither dropped nor crushed Doritos and crawl into my bedroom.
11.03pm Fast asleep again.
Pretty exciting stuff, huh?